Archive for August, 2008

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Sweet Dreams

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

Last night, I waited for my brother Greg to evacuate to Baton Rouge (where I live) and then we went to grab a bite to eat at one of our favorite places in the Red Stick. It had been a long week with all this hurricane business and my little sister having a baby, that come 3 in the a.m. today, I was asleep. And then my phone goes off. It’s a text message from Nick:

I’m curious to know why the dream was so rockin’, but it was really odd that he felt the need to text me that.

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Do You Wanna Pop?

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

In Chalmette, Louisiana, which is where I’m from, we have what’s known as the “chalmette pop”. The Chalmette pop is a dance that the lil hoochies do when marching in Mardi Gras parades. It goes a lil something like this: they’re marching, they’re marching, they’re marching…then all of a sudden…they stop, they drop it, and they start compulsively gyrating to the booty music blaring from their sound system.

I always, always talk about the Chalmette pop. I always, always attempt to do it…but I’m not quite as good as the lil hoochies we heart so much back at home during Mardi Gras season.

I had just gotten broken up with by a mediocre boy.

Christmas time was soon approaching and that meant parties. Being that I was dumb enough to get this fellow a job at the same company as I worked, I thought a new dress or outfit to wear to the company Xmas party would make me feel better. It was a tough break up, so we still planned on showing up together.

I went to the mall in search of the perfect holiday attire. I walked into the Limited (and this, readers, is why I never shop at stores like this…i much so more rely on vintage stores, and not your everyday run of the mill stores). I start looking around at outfits and dresses. A sales associate walks up to me and asks me if I need help. I was feeling (and probably looking) a little pathetic so I went against my gut instinct and said-yes, i could use some help.

She starts pulling these hideous dresses off the rack, throwing them at me so i can try them on. Of course none of them were my taste. So I figure I’ll just let her pick what she thinks is in season and then do my own thing when she goes away. Negative. 

She sees I’m obviously not a Holly Go-Happy. Takes the pile of clothes from me. Slams them on top of one of the displays. Turns to me, looks me dead in the eye and says “Do you wanna pop?”

I thought to myself…oh my god- did she just challenge me to a pop off in the middle of the Limited?!

So I say, “Did you just ask me if I wanted to pop?” and she replys “Yeah, ya know…like sparkle.”

She should thank her lucky stars that that’s what she meant because every Chalmette gurl loves to pop like there’s no tomorrow.

I ended up finally getting away from her and got this really pretty dress. Very classic, very sophisticated. Very me.

The fella and I, however, decided to go in ugly Christmas sweaters. That trip to the mall was all in vain. I sported my red leather pants, my sex kitten boots and an ugly sweater. And I looked damn fine.

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Out of Wings

Friday, August 29th, 2008

There are only a few things in life that I can’t live without. Popeyes fried chicken is one of them.

There’s probably two really good reasons as to why I always end up with the wrong guys, the assholes and the losers:

1. I eat too much Popeyes

2. I say stupid things that for some reason, no one finds funny besides me.

I was starving one night and had my Popeyes craving. So I went to the drive through. Ordered my food at the speaker- my normal 3 spicy wings, dirty rice and a biscuit. Pull up to the window to pay. The guy tells me they’re out of wings, spicy and mild and weren’t making anymore that night. So I was just like-Shit. What do I do now?

He asks me if I want a different part of the chicken and being that I only eat the white part of the chicken, I immediately said in the most serious tone and a quizzical look on my face: “Do you have breasts?”

He stared at me for about 30 seconds, then finally I thought about what I had just said and busted out laughing. Never cracking a smile so that I could see that gleaming grill that I am so positively sure he had, he closed the window; got my food; and that was that.

I got home and only had one breast in my to-go box. But I’m sure he spit in my food, so I guess he figured that’d make up for the missing chicken.

[sidenote: i'm not sure why "Omar" and "sausage" appear so big on the side. hmph]

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How Did He Go From You to That?

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Wow. I love the idea of email. I somehow can never get away from people telling me what this one guy is up to…it comes in all forms- texts (as noted earlier in my blog), facebook, word of mouth and now…email. I really get a kick out of a message I got just now. I’ll copy and paste for your reading pleasure.

–

What’s been going on, [Cheeky Cherry]? Is ya x seeing a stripper? Funky something was it? Long story as to how I heard he was checking out a strip joint and the blonde with the fake tatas he was with definitely looked like a [deleted-too profane for my bloggie]. WTF? How did he go from you to that? 

–

Well how did he go from me to that? I could have responded in several ways when I hit that little reply button. Let’s explore:

1. They found their common denominator to be their receding hair lines.

2. She slipped him a miki…and I don’t mean the mikis he sells in the jury sto’.

3. He always thought Skeletor was good looking.

—

But I simply just replied with:

Thank you so much for sending this to me. It made my freakin day. Really. This will be my next blog post and it will be so, so funny. Heart you much.

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Number One Hit

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Being near the ‘anniversary’ of Katrina and with Gustav about to wreak havoc on New Orleans again, I feel it suitable to note my saving grace through what was one of the most horrific times of my and my family’s lives. I’ve come to understand that he was only supposed to be in my life for that short period of time and coping was the reason. 

We eventually wrote a song together. Here’s a few bits and pieces…keep in mind there’s girl parts and there’s guy parts just like the human body.

—

Number One Hit:

[Girl:] I met you at a bar one night and said “Can I cook you some fried food sometime?” You agreed to my surprise that’s when I noticed your eyes. You say I can’t cook worth a crap. But you eat it anyway, while you do the white boy snap.

Can I cook you some fried food sometime? What flavor ice cream do you like? You said you love me and I love you too. If we had babies, their eye would be blue.

[Boy:] Hey, baby, thanks to your stalking now you and me are talking. Where would I be without you? You’ve got a big red bike, you wash dishes how I like…and we both work for a Jew. So can I see you tonight? I like ice cream alright. I’ll eat it straight from the tub. But if I had to choose between ice cream and you, I guess it’s you that I love.

[These lyrics are © 2005]

—

Apparently he really loved ice cream more. But that’s his loss-because opposed to ice cream i offer no additives, contain zero calories, and give lots of sugar.

Date-ably Delish,

Cheeky Cherry

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In His Own World

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

Let me preface this story with this bit of info: this guy I (guess you could say I maybe dated…i thought I knew, but now it’s all just a blur of crazy) bought me this rad book for my birthday this past year. It was a book on war poster design, which may not interest many people, but I loved it. Simply because he put thought into the present. The following is a conversation we had on IM once I found out he hadn’t really broken up with his girlfriend.

How do I know they didn’t break up? I saw them out together…which was awkward. And then the ‘ex’ girlfriend called me-yes she called me…and filled me in. I was a bit perturbed. So I gave him back presents that he gave me…including the rad book. And: Action!

him: you’re like mute

me: noo….thinking….

him: you know what i used your book for last night

me: its not mine anymore

him: to break-up pot on

me: thats kind of sad

him: i looked at it though the other night. good book

him: i guess it just goes in the shelf now

him: i really didnt want it back

me: you wanted the book…you were going to buy one for yourself

me: might as well have the one you bought

him: i like to buy books for people that i would like

11:40 PM

him: when they are similarly-minded

me: well i liked it….what more you want me to say?!?

him: i didnt ask for you to say anything

me: ok

him: do you want it back

him: i feel weird having a gift that i gave to someone

him: it makes me feel like i didn’t give it

me: i feel weird that jeanne called me [sidenote jeanne is the fake ex]

him: oh really

him: i cant control that

him: im not sure how she got your number but i apologize

me: no…she was really cool

him: i dont doubt that

him: its behind me

me: of course it is

him: what else can i do

him: besides move past it

him: its the noly option i have

11:45 PM

me: you’re right

him: so

me: as always

him: it was a cluster-eff of confusion and emotions

me: yeah…i can imagine

him: so yeah

me: yeah

him: i tried to transition, but in didnt work out [here he means transition from one gurl to the next]

him: how i wanted it to

me: whats that mean?

me: you told me ya’ll were completely through…and she said ya’ll weren’t, ya’ll were still together

him: thats not true

him: she asked if she could date

him: and i said yes

11:50 PM

him: and she did date

him: twice

him: i had no problem with that

him: why would i

me: umm…back to my first part of that statement…YOU said ya’ll were through…you didn’t tell me ya’ll were still ‘dating’ or whatever

him: we were not

him: together

him: it was a break

him: what?

me: you told me it was done for good…no mention of break…i feel horrible 

him: i dont get it

him: i told you we broke it off

him: i know one thing – i never cheated

him: thats that

me: are you kidding me?

him: Jeanne knows that

me: umm…i told her otherwise

him: no i know we were together im nor saying that

11:55 PM

him: it was not cheating though

him: anyway

him: im becoming aggravated

him: done

him: im getting pissed off

me: what are you pissed about

him: this miscommunication about me being a cheater

12:00 AM

him: just really not understanding how if we werent broken up that it was cool for Jeanne to go out and date and hook-up, but when its me its cheating

him: im in the dark

me: dude i dunno…she didn’t go into all that

me: on that one

him: oh well

12:05 AM

him: I’m really sorry it ended up this way. It was not my intention to say the least. I’m really very sorry if you were hurt by any of this. It’s the last thing I wanted. I never for once thought I was in the wrong, but in the yes of others maybe I was.

him: that sums it up

him: I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong for the past week

him: but it is what it is

me: it is

me: i have to pee – brb

12:10 AM

him: ridiculous

him: ok you’re becoming hostile

me: everything i say is ridiculous

him: not true

me: i’m totally calm….i’m sitting here working

him: nothing youve said tonight until the last minute has been hostile

him: so how do you work and type on ichat

me: multi task

him: you must be really talented

me: you’re right

me: thats why i’ve gotten 3 versions of a poster done while talking to you

him: well ill let you run so you can focus 110%

him: Have a great day tomorrow, [Cheeky]

him: cheers

—-

Thats right, he ended the conversation with ‘cheers’. And told me to have a great day. After I just found out that for about 3 months, he had been lying. Mr. Happy-go-lucky. In his own world.

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Dear Cheeky Cherry

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

I got a text message at about 1 in the am that simply said, “When did Omar start dating a prostitute?”.

Dear Anonymous Texter: Honey, the answer to your question is: I don’t know. I have my own dating dilemmas and don’t have time to figure out his problems. My guess would be that they’re not technically dating…if you catch my drift. And yes, I know good ole Court. 

Yes, I know trash when I see it/her.

And your text- HILARIOUS! Very cheeky.

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Save It

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

Nick. I really, really dug Nick (and his sweet, sweet kisses). After he and his girlfriend finally broke it off. We hung out a lot…pretty much all the time. After a night out for drinks with Marga and Mick, Nick and I came back to my home and we were going to watch a movie. We woke up the next morning after apparently falling asleep during the movie; I realized I hadn’t even told him to sleep tight. How rude of me.

I apologized for being a bad hostess. And he bust out laughing. I asked what was so hilarious. And he said…no, you didn’t tell me goodnight, but you did tell me to save it.

And I’m thinking to myself…save it? save what?

So I asked him…was I talking about saving your money? His response…no I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what you were talking about.

Typical cheeky moment.

Nick. I really dug him (and his sweet, sweet kisses).

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Porker

Monday, August 25th, 2008

My best friend sent me an email earlier today about how a Sicilian woman asked my friend’s boyfriend (who is not Jewish at all) if he was a Jew. He’s very much not. Her story is quite hilarious and reminded me of my Jewish tendencies. 

Pork. I don’t like it very much. I can handle bacon and I just recently started eating sausage. Very recently. In the beginning of a relationship with one of my men, I think my hatred for pork came up in conversation over dinner with his family. His dad asked why I didn’t eat pork and jokingly, we told him it was because I was Jewish.

It was also stated in that same conversation that we were just joking.

However, his dad only held on to the first part. His son was dating a Jewish girl. Probably every conversation I had with his dad after that, he and I would “joke” about me being Jewsish. Or I thought we were joking. Apparently he was serious.He would ask me questions about the Jewish faith and I would answer. Probably not correctly, because I’m not a Jew. 

A year or so after the initial conversation, around the time I started to eat sausage, he questioned why I was being lax with my religious beliefs and wanted to know if I was thinking about converting to Catholicism (which I am already). 

It wasn’t until then I learned that he thought I was a Jewish girl.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against the Jewish religion. I have worked for Jews and have several Jewish friends. This is just a funny story.

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Things That Suck

Monday, August 25th, 2008

Cheeky Cherry finally had its first reaction on technorati. A blog called Things That Suck that scans other blogs and looks for the word ’sucks’. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason, even things we don’t always quite understand. Even more so, I knew that there was a higher reason Omar bought that vacuum and it wasn’t just to clean. It was to make my blog known. 

www.thingsthatsuck.com

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