Cheeky Cherry’s Dating Dilemma’s

Terminology Defined

This whole blog thing amazes me. I love how I can see what phrase people have googled which lead to my site. I’m pretty sure it’s people reading my blog and then not understanding some of my terminology and then googling those phrases and my links coming up. 

I’m sorry to say, though, that I make up most of my silly little phrases. They have no bad meaning normally. Just take it for what it is.

Time to share. Some things people have googled to come across cheeky cherry-defined:

naked lady thumbs- i checked this post and ‘naked’ was not associated with ‘lady thumbs’. This was just me making fun of that Fergie song “My Humps”. But I inserted thumbs instead of humps…because my post was about thumbs down. So get your mind out of the gutter, whoever you are that searched for ‘naked lady thumbs’!!! But thanks for being cheeky.

he gave me a one armed hug- Like I said…it is what it is. A hug using one arm instead of two; the ultimate “acquaintance” hug

japanime- my word for anime or japanimation

ray cheky- this must be someone’s name, but my blog comes up 2nd when you google it.

when did pop locking start- hahahaha. what?!

large lady thumbs- maybe i’m missing out on something, but lots of people have searched the lady thumbs phrase. sorry for the confusion.

i like built guys- built meaning buff, in shape.

grab twist pull- move they teach in defense classes against a male attacker. (I didn’t make this one up).

cheekycherry rice- again…what?!?

hot jet ski- Ahahahahahahahahahaha!

I can’t see who’s searching these terms unfortunately. That would be way too amusing!

Anyways, thanks for being my cheeky cherry bunches. Keep reading.

Love Sucks

I thought Omar was the one. For real. We had talked about getting married. I thought we were in it for the long haul. However, I learned just how much love sucks.

Omar and I had discussed looking at rings and had gone to the jewelry store to scope out what I liked. I’m not much of a jewelry wearer, so when he suggested that instead of a real diamond, we could get a setting with a Moissanite stone, I was perfectly content with the fake-looking diamond. He said that money was an issue, which I totally understand. He was in the process of switching from managing a toy store to working in the jewelry store (how ironic).

I was perfectly content until…

We had been living together for a few months. The purpose of moving in with him was so that we could save money for a wedding. To be so in love…so young and naive. So he calls me one day while I’m at work and tells me he just bought a vacuum. This is not just any vacuum. Are you familiar with Rainbow vacuums? They’re not cheap. At all. He had said it was the best $600 he had spent. 

A few days later, his friend from work and his friend’s wife come over for dinner. We’re sitting around the table talking and his friend inadvertently blurts out that Omar paid over $2,000 for the vacuum. I was floored. He had lied to me. Ouch.

Don’t tell me you can’t afford a diamond when you can purchase a $2,000 vacuum cleaner.

This should have been a huge warning to me that “love sucks.” Just like that vacuum.

What are you gonna do?

Halloween this year was in the middle of the week, which made me keep it low-key due to work. My friend Marga and the guy she was dating at the time invited me to go grab some dinner with them. I never pass up an invite for food. 

I call Damon up and ask if he’d like to come to dinner with us. Damon is one of the most attractive guys I have ever laid my eyes on. 

We all go to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Marga and I were dressed in costume. After dinner, Marguerite and her man-at-the-time (m.a.t.t.) were heading home and Damon was going to come over so we could watch scary movies.

Standing outside, we were all talking and then Damon says his goodbyes, gets in his car and screeches out the parking lot. I smelled burnt rubber (not really). 

The rest of us joke about how he just left so abruptly. I said he might have needed some extra time in case he got lost on the way to my place. We all laugh and I get in my car a few minutes later and head home.

Damon is not in my parking lot. Maybe I was right.

A few minutes later he pulls up; we start watching halloween movies. I had been waiting for the longest time for this guy to just as much as kiss me. And he finally did. And I was so, so happy.

Then…I did the dumbest thing. Damon tells me he stopped and got condoms and for some ungodly reason probably just out of nervousness, I blurted out, “What are you going to do with those?”

We laughed for a good ten minutes about that. But I’ll always wonder what his response would have been had he took my question literally and tried to give me an answer.

And all the while, I was in a raggedy ann costume.

Pop A Lock

FIrst, I want to thank everybody who’s been checking in from time to time to see what’s going on with all of my cheeky dating dilemmas. The blog has gotten 534 hits in a little under 3 weeks.

Pop A Lock. That’s the name of my next cheeky victim. Oh Pop A Lock. We had known each other for years. Hadn’t talked to him in maybe 2 years, when he calls out of the blue. Says he’s in the neighborhood and wants to know if he can stop by. Well, of course…gave him some directions and he arrived at my condo.

He comes in with a six pack of beer, which mind you, at the time I did not drink. He wants to watch a movie. At the time, I was 24-25, so I was picking up what he was laying down. I’m no fool. Just uninterested.

So he picks out Shrek. Yes, I said he picked it out. 

So we start watching Shrek and he trys to start using his skills. So I ever so smoothly moved away. He kept at it and started trying to pull me closer to him, so finally I stopped the movie and told him I was probably going to be going to bed soon.

Pop A took that as he was supposed to come with me. He scooped me up, brought me to my bed, and threw me down on it. The whole while I was getting extremely annoyed and telling him so. Who does that?!

Luckily he threw me down hard enough that I bounced right off and back onto my feet and kicked him out.

The next day, I’m telling Marga the story…our conversation went a little something like this:

Me: Yeah, so last night Pop A Lock came over to visit.

Marga: Oh really? How’d it go?

Me: He moved me.

Marga: He moved you? Like emotionally?

Me: No, physically. He picked me up and moved me.

—

I didn’t have enough time to be emotionally moved. He was ready to start poppin’ and lockin’ from the get-go.

Diesel

I went to hear a few bands over the weekend with Margarite and Mick. I was looking good in my 80s rocker strapless dress with sequins. While we were waiting for bands to switch and set up, we walked over to another little dive. Sat at the bar. I ordered a glass of wine and sipped on that.

Then the shots just started gravitating towards me. I don’t know what it is, but somehow shots are always involved. I was just sitting there sparkling in my sequins and the bartenders just started setting shots in front of me to do with them. The line: ‘ we poured an extra one; you take it.’ So I did.

Marga and Mick just kept laughing because I truly am the shot queen. Finally, Marga asked what was in the shots I took and the bartender said diesel. And I thought to myself-great…a good looking guy keeps giving me shots and now I’m all gassy instead of sassy. 

Get it? But really, I had never heard of diesel before. Apparently it’s almost the same thing as Everclear. Um yeah.

Stole the Covers

Sometimes writing my own little cheeky form of poetry helps me put things into words…this is one I wrote awhile back.

—

STOLE THE COVERS

Well, I guess it’s fine that now I’m gone.

I won’t have to help mow your big ass lawn.

You don’t have to put on that loving front.

Now I eat all the fried food that I want.

So go and fu©k around as much as you like.

What I hated most–you stole the covers at night.

You know I hate to be chilly; You know I hate to be cold,

So taking the covers was pretty damn bold.

I would fall asleep thinking I’d be alright, 

Then I’d wake up in the morning with frost bite.

I’d say, “Baby, it’s cold. I want to warm up quick.”

Don’t wanna catch pneumonia and be all sick.

I can turn up the heat on the coldest of nights

As long as you’d promise to tuck me in real tight.

Dreams of you were such a beautiful sight.

The thing I hated most–you stole the covers at night.

Now I have my own sheets that keep me nice and warm,

But it’s not the same as being in your arms.

The temptation of you fills me up inside. 

I had wished you’d take a second to let down your pride.

You used to put my sheets to use every now and then,

But I guess you couldn’t handle a size 0 perfect 10.

© Cheeky Cherry

—

I thought the ending was appropriate in celebrating the Olympics that are taking place right now. Get it? Perfect 10? My next poem/track is in progress already. It’s called “Ass Man”…. It’s going to consist of slight rap-like, gangsta sounding vocab. Want a preview?

—

ASS MAN

You’re the ASS MAN

And an ass, man!

What do you see in that hoe?

Don’t be a jack ASS MAN

You’ll be gone, ASS MAN

Once they find out she works in yo’ sto’.

© Cheeky Cherry

—-

You’ll have to stick around to see how that one turns out. The kicker for the ending is a good one.

He Loves Me

He loves me not. Valentine’s Day a few years back. I was so in love. And being that I was so in love, I wanted to shower my boy in happiness. I put together the most thoughtful present I’ve given to anybody. Ever. I heard the idea awhile back but tweaked it to fit my liking.

Love depends on the five senses. I gave him something to use for each sense. For hearing, I made him a mix cd entitled “Endless Love: Remixed”. Endless love, my ass. Smell, a bottle of cologne. Sight, a movie. Touch, I think this was a gag gift…a bar of chocolate that had two naked people on the packaging. And finally, taste, this really awesome cookbook.

We exchanged gifts the night before the day of love. He decorated a big jar and filled it with my favorite candies.

At the time, I was doing advertising for a local jewelry company. Ned, a guy from one of our stores, brought every lady in our office a rose. Very thoughtful. I took my rose home, put it in a vase and sat the vase on the bedroom dresser.

My man at the time finally popped his head in the bedroom door around 10 or so that night. He was holding a small bouquet of flowers! He said and I quote, “Hey, baby. I stopped and got you some flowers.” My heart jumped for a second. But, just as he finished getting those words out of his mouth, he saw my other rose sitting on the dresser and asked nervously, “Where did you get that from?” 

I look at the rose on the dresser and then back at the flowers in his hand. Hmm…they look very much alike. Being the swift little fox that I am, I put two and two together. And sharply reply, “From the same guy you got those from.” And then the story changed to…what was he supposed to do, let the left over flowers die?!

Yes. He worked at the same store as Ned. He took the left over flowers Ned had bought for all the women in the company and tried to pass it off as being a thoughtful lil somethin-somethin’ to me from him. As you can imagine, I felt about the size of my little pinky nail.

He put the flowers in a separate vase and sat them next to the other vase. I took the second vase and dumped it in the garbage.

The next day, he pulled into the driveway, called me on the phone and told me to meet him outside. I opened up the door and on the seat was a little red box from our jewelry store. The earrings did make me feel a little better. Even though, it was a pity gift.

I did kind of still wish, though, that before I dumped the flowers into the garbage that I had taken them and hit him in the arm a few times. Because to this day, I’m sure he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong.