Cheeky Cherry’s Dating Dilemma’s

Online Dating Blues

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Online dating- don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. Unfortunately, I’ve tried it and yeah…well…here’s the story.

My friend Shelly from high school was driving through town and stopped to see my little bachelorette pad. We were hanging out, drinking some wine and here comes the kicker- she decided to sign me up for Yahoo!Personals. I thought…whatever…I’ll give it a shot. I figured the guys on there couldn’t be any worse than the losers I have dated in the past.

Ha. In MY face.

I get my ‘matches’ back. Lo and behold! It fucking matched me with Omar! I wanted to throw up. Literally. 

We read his profile. It was dripping with lines that naturally would come from this silver-tongued devil. All lies, except for maybe the fact that he was close to his mom. If I remember correctly, it mentioned something about southern charm. I’m sorry, but don’t try to give southerner’s a bad name, honey. Most women don’t find deceitfulness to be very charming.

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This post was inspired by a little piece of fan mail that I received from an anonymous person. Well, anonymous to you anyways! I’d like to share it:

It’s about my online dating woes. I met this guy and we emailed a lot but he didn’t have a picture. He sent me one last night. He’s really big. Like REALLY big. I can handle extra weight – I mean, I’ve got a lot of it – but this guy is easy 400lbs. 
 
THE ONLINE DATING BLUES
 
I met a new man
on the e-har-mon-ee
we laughed and we joked
til the hour was 3
 
he’s totally sweet
and romantic, too
got a son just like me
and a dog that’s named Boo
 
he’s not a member
so i couldn’t see
that he’s big as a house
now I’ve gotta flee
 
I keep hoping and praying
that one day I’ll meet
the man of my dreams
with really big “feet”
 
But each time I sign on
I get disappointed again
I’m about to call Andy
for a night of wicken sin!
 
Maybe I’ll just 
forget about love
Go for hot sex
and just make ‘em wear a “glove”
 
But “gloves” dry me up
and cause an uncomfortable matter
Plus, I can’t help it…
I love that baby batter!
 
Looks like I’m stuck
on the e-har-mon-ee
I’ll give it some time
and fall in love hope-full-ee
 
I’ve got the online dating blues….

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I’m curious to know if she meant to type ‘wicked’ or really meant ‘wicken’ as in wiccan because a night of wiccan sin could be really weird, I’d imagine.

On to my second piece of fan mail, which came from a dear, dear friend of mine and an avid reader. The email subject was ‘google-less’

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